Last year, I was a guest expert on body language with Abiola Abrams. As a teacher of the Alexander Technique, I am acutely aware of people’s body language and how they react to stressors like dating. My clients share quite a bit of personal information with me regarding their relationships, their work, and their lives. Helping my clients release the physical tension associated with meeting a new potential love, walking into a job interview, or having a difficult conversation with a boss gives them the “tools” to be completely present, open, and creative in these high-stakes situations of life.
Please enjoy Abiola’s article on “How to Read Body Language – Get Inside His Head”
Saturday, February 4, 2012 by Abiola Abrams
If a love genie could grant you any magic power to make your relationships better, we know which one you’d want. Flying is cool and being invisible would become boring but imagine if you were a mind reader. What if you could look at your crush and realize that he really is just that into you? What is you had clear indications that the stud is a dud?
You may not be a mind reader, dollface, but every human being is constantly emitting signals that tell us exactly what they’re thinking. Yes, his body is talking and so is yours. I’m talking about body language, and I’m about to teach you how to read body language!
To find out exactly what that boy is thinking, I enlisted the help of Sharon Jakubecy, a renowned body language specialist. Sharon shared all of the tips and tricks you need to rock your love life right now!
Your Body Language Question: Is he interested in me?
Every day you exchange a smile or a couple of words but that’s it. Still, you could live on that gorgeous smile for weeks. So is he into you or just a social animal?
Our trusty body language expert says, “When a man is interested, he orients his body towards you. He may lean in your direction and his eyes stay focused on you. While you are sharing, he may touch you. A gentle brush of your arm or a hand on your knee. To show you he is listening, he may tilt his head to one side. His breath will be calm and slow.”
Your Body Language Question: What if he’s just being polite?
Okay, he seems like he’s leaning in. Or is he? How do we know he’s not just being nice? This is where you have to pay attention to the subtleties of communication.
Sharon breaks it down like this: “When a man is not interested, his body and gaze are pretty much doing the opposite of the above. His body is facing another direction or he is fidgeting. His eyes are focused somewhere else or looking around. His breath will be more erratic.”
Your Body Language Question: Did he just flash me a fake smile?
Ugh. That awkward moment when you flashy your pearly whites at someone and get that dull quickie smile in return. It wasn’t even a Tyra-worthy smize. Sure that seemed shady but what if he’s just having a bad day?
Bad day or not, our expert says that a fake smile is a fake smile. According to Sharon, who teaches workshops and gives speeches around the country, “Our bodies never lie. So if you or someone you are flirting with is faking a smile, the body will tell the truth. A fake smile has no warmth or joy. It looks forced. The sides of the lips move up but the eyes are flat and expressionless.”
Yup, it’s just what you think. A flirtatious smile is a whole different thing. A real smile works with the eyes. Sharon says, “Pure joy and excitation make your teeth shine with an open-mouth smile.” Yay! We love how that sounds.
Your Body Language Question: Is he lying to me?
Here’s where we suspect you’d be really putting your magical super powers to work. That polygraph test phone app is probably bogus. How do we know if this great guy–or anyone for that matter–is lying?
“Eye contact is huge when it comes to lying,” our expert explains. “If someone is lying their eyes show it.” She goes on to say that there are exceptions with certain behavior conditions that may appear antisocial like Asperger’s Syndrome. However, most folks just can’t look you straight in the eye when they are telling you a lie. Or they go overboard trying to eyeball you to cover up their deceit.
Need more clues? Check for the voice. Sharon says that, “When people are lying, telling a half-truth, or saying something that they are not comfortable with, their voice may crack, drop in volume, or they may clear their throat. They may rush their words as well and move around a lot without being able to sit or stand still.”